Hold On By Good Charlotte
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
This worldThis world is cold
But you don'tYou don't have to go
You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely,
and no one seems to care
You're mother's gone and your father hits you
This pain you cannot bear
But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through
Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Your daysYou say they're way too long
And your nightsYou can't sleep at all
Hold onAnd you're not sure what you're waiting for,
but you don't want to no more
And you're not sure what you're looking for,
but you don't want to no more
But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through
Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold onWhat are you looking for?
What are you waiting for?Do you know what you're doing to me?
Go ahead...What are you waiting for?
Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on if you feel like letting goHold on it gets better than you know
Hold on
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 5:58 PM
Broken By Seether
I wanted to know, I love the way you laugh
I want to hold you high, and steal your pain away
I keep your photograph, and I know it serves me well
I want to hold you high, and steal your pain.
'Coz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away.
You gotta win, you don't feel me anymore.
The worst is over now, and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, and steal my pain away
There is so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high, and steal your pain.
'Coz Im broken, when I'm open
And I feel like that I'm strong enough
'Coz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away.
'Coz I'm broken, when I'm open
And I don't feel like that I'm strong enough
'Coz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away.
'Coz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone away.
'Coz I'm broken, when I'm lonesome
And I don't feel right when you're gone.
You gotta win, you don't feel me anymore.
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 5:48 PM
morning rants
do u get up in the morning and feel refreshed? I never do I always feel more tired after i wake up. my little ms did not sleep well last night she fussed all night...So I slept next to her to make sure she was going to be ok......so I did not get much sleep..between her and the damn nitemares i don't think I'll ever get any sleep.. I am going to make a dream catcher one of these days. Yeah in my spare time..hehehehehehehhehehehehehehehehehe.........I dont have time to breath let alone make a dream catcher. Oh to have some time to myself.....that did not consist of going to therapy, going grocery shopping or having to be with any other family members. I think if I had one wish right now it would be to just have a few hours by myself.
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 8:34 AM
A long day
Monday, July 26, 2004
Ok well today I have had one break down after another. What a day five kids and a lot of work to do . Just having a baby on a feeding tube makes twice as much work...I have to make appointments. I talk with doctors, nurses, dieticians, and make sure I am making the formula right. I have to constinently feed her bottles she does not want to drink (it smells like rotten eggs would you want to drink it?) Trying to get 15 oz into her by mouth is a challenge. Not to mention 4 other children who need my attention...Who are constintly calling "mommy" by the way I am changing my name from Mommy to Jen..Call me Jen please or any other name u feel like cuz' Mommy is getting on my nerves right now...Mommy can I have this---mommy can you get me a drink----mommy can I go outside--mommy I need help---mommy I m hungry---mommy I want a snack---mommy i m bored---mommy are we there yet---mommy he hit me --mommy he called me stupid---mommy she told me to shut up- mommy my foot hurts--mommy my stomach hurts--mommy mommy mommy-ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..CALL ME JEN.................OK ENOUGH COMPLAINING..MOMMY HAS LEFT THE BUILDING
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 2:37 PM
life or death
Life or death.....which is worse? There are many times I wonder this....Especially when things get crazy . Right now my life is a bit crazy and chaotic. And as I sit here thinking about this question I reflect on the amout of pain I feel right now . No one sees it because we are so good at pretending!!!!!!! It looks like everything is okay when in reality it is not. No one close to us see's the pain or hear's our cries. But what else is new it has always been this way 
To be alive means we feel
To feel is so painful
So we learn to deal
to block out the hurts
only feeling in tiny spurts
only seeing things in black and white
keeping the awfulness out of sight
life was never meant to be this way
but we go on day after day
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 8:45 AM
Ambigram
Saturday, July 24, 2004
this the coolest thing inspired by Dan Brown's book Angel and Demons. Read this book it is awesome
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 9:12 PM
craziness
ok..I am trying to post but the phone is rings the kids are crying and I need to make dinner...things are crazy here like always...be back soon.
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 5:31 PM
Baby is home
Friday, July 23, 2004
Thank God baby is home from the hospital with just a milk protein allergy. She gained some weightand is looking good . She did however have to come home with a feeding tube which I have to put in when she pulls it out. And dear little Chloe pulled it out today so tonight I will be putting it back in traumatizing my husband. I think he is already traumautized. He was freakedf out when I had to just hook her up.
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 2:01 PM
baby sick
Sunday, July 18, 2004
Sorry no knew post baby is in children's Hospital has been here since Thursday and this is the first time I have had to write. I am going to try to fix my blogg I am takiing out the chatterbox for now and music codes till I can fix it...
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 7:17 PM
sex sex and more sex.....
Thursday, July 15, 2004
ok well lets just a marathon for the last few days or so it has felt like it ...I am really tired....Came outta the blue or should I say green..Lmao........ RAVEN
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 9:00 AM
Enough happiness...
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
The Best come backs and slams
Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...
* The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
* I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
* Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
* I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a shit.
* I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
* What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
* I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
* I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
* Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
* I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
* It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
* No, my powers can only be used for good.
* How about never? Is never good for you?
* I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
* You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication.
* I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
* I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
* I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
* Who me? I just wander from room to room.
* My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!
* It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
* At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
* You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
* I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
* Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
* I wouldn't worry about finding a girlfriend who's your intellectual equal.
Most of my girlfriends have been your intellectual equal.
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 3:09 PM
hey this is for u
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 2:21 PM
Hubby wants HAPPY THOUGHTS............
ok here is shear happiness me and my baby playing
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 1:57 PM
not feeling well
Saturday, July 10, 2004
Not feeling very good..sorry I have not posted but my days are spent just trying to function day to day. My baby is also sick and very very cranky. Inside it is so loud too we need to come up with a plan to keep evertyone safe... safety is a big problem...We are all feeling very unsafe right now...tired unsafe.....worried a whole range of emotions..we don't do good with emotions and stress so we end up getting sick.... I guess it is our fault just like everything is our fault..we asked for all the abuse we asked to be dissociative we asked to be so screwed up...It is much easier to think that to look at the reality to look at the truth...The truth is way to painful so we live in this fantasy world were things are our fault then maybve we had somecontrol...somewhere we can say we had control...that we were not totally and completely powerless.....we fell powerless now cuz we know not what happened we only know bits and pieces and that is hard.....however seeing N twice these last few weeks has been very helpful...she is helping me to understnad a lot of things an altho it is hard it is also comforting to know someone undertsnads and does not judge me..She is caring and truthful (well some of us think so)But most of us respect us for doing the work she does...to be able to do this and not end up crazy is amazing.............
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 2:52 PM
Alot of Shit
Friday, July 02, 2004
ok well what to talk abot have not posted in days been busy......baby is sick again has diahrea have to take her to a GI doc can't get an appointment till August 26......omg that is so far away..she has lost weight but is continuing to keep herself hyrdated..Thank God for that that is keeping us outta the Er. Waiting to find out if the stool sample is back yet. Waiting I hate waiting......it is not fun I am not a patient person.....Therapy was good this week saw N twice M is gone away (never to return) actually she will be back in 9 days now. N has been very helpful. I m very blessed to have 2 wonderful helpful t's. Even tho they say things we hate............like making me look at y i m so tired...this has been an issue today. I am unusually sleepy..hmmmmmmmmmmmm workin on it.......meds have not changed..nothing changed maybe internally sumthing shifted????????oh well bvye for now
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 3:16 PM
