not feeling well

Saturday, July 10, 2004

Not feeling very good..sorry I have not posted but my days are spent just trying to function day to day. My baby is also sick and very very cranky. Inside it is so loud too we need to come up with a plan to keep evertyone safe... safety is a big problem...We are all feeling very unsafe right now...tired unsafe.....worried a whole range of emotions..we don't do good with emotions and stress so we end up getting sick.... I guess it is our fault just like everything is our fault..we asked for all the abuse we asked to be dissociative we asked to be so screwed up...It is much easier to think that to look at the reality to look at the truth...The truth is way to painful so we live in this fantasy world were things are our fault then maybve we had somecontrol...somewhere we can say we had control...that we were not totally and completely powerless.....we fell powerless now cuz we know not what happened we only know bits and pieces and that is hard.....however seeing N twice these last few weeks has been very helpful...she is helping me to understnad a lot of things an altho it is hard it is also comforting to know someone undertsnads and does not judge me..She is caring and truthful (well some of us think so)But most of us respect us for doing the work she does...to be able to do this and not end up crazy is amazing.............

scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 2:52 PM  

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