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waiting...waiting...waiting................

Monday, February 20, 2006

Anxiety..waiting is getting to be a pain..It is so hard to stay safe...but I do not have a clue of what else to do. I am afraid when I get to the top of the list I will CHICKEN OUT.
anxiety sux
waiting sux

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Gatekeepers4@ 10:16 AM   1 comments

waiting

Friday, February 17, 2006

waiting ...the longer I wait the harder it gets to be ...SAFE...I mean I know that safety is always an issue...But the battle continues to be fought who is going to win I don't know...waiting ..9th STILL....venting my anger that they do not have more beds...knowing it can not go on forever...so i keep busy stay with the kids so safety is a bit better. I know I will get there an will want to dome home. i miss pumpkinhead a lot I miss her so much she will probably be back and I will probablyy go in...HowIronic.......I hope she is okay she was pretty pissed yesterday... okay enough for now CHAR
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Gatekeepers4@ 9:07 AM   0 comments

babies

Tuesday, February 14, 2006


Thinking of you, Little Angel,
On this "special" day
The very day so long ago
That GOD took you away
To a better place for you to dwell
And proudly wear your wings
Where you can run and laugh and play
And send us sweet angel dreams.
You are missed, Dear Angel,
I'll love you forever
no mateter what they did
you will always be my baby
loved and wanted by me!!!

baby I miss you...you are so perfect Paige Posted by Picasa
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Gatekeepers4@ 8:52 AM   0 comments


Happy Valentines day my dear family..inside and outside I love you all...........Charlotte Posted by Picasa
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Gatekeepers4@ 8:39 AM   0 comments

its over

Monday, February 13, 2006

18 years of enslavement...... today it ends
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Gatekeepers4@ 2:39 PM   0 comments

ranting

Friday, February 10, 2006

Saw M my T today...it was okay we talked about some hard shit. We talked about really needing to be in sp. I guess I am definitly going when my number comes up. I hope everyone will be okay.. I just wanna cry . Nothing feels safe right now. my whole system was triggered by something she says and now the littles are afraid of her. What else is new. WE atleast some of us older ones knopw she did not mean to trigger us.
SI program been triggered along with a lot of other shit. SO I need to be careful not to allow any littles to be out alone. I feel so sad about that I want to cry cry forever. The hurt done by one man was so much...he can't be named but I can say the more I learn the harder it is to believe we loved him.....There is only one man we can honestly say loved us for real and he is presently in our lives...I know he loves us even tho he doesn't understand he does love us...An we love him more than he knows...hunny..I m sorry for not allowing u to care for us we are actively working on that.........for u

Honestly I believe in you
Do you trust in me
PatientlyI will stand by you
I will stand beside you faithfully
And through the years
I will be a friend
For always and forever
Call on me and I'll be there for you
I'm a friend who always will be true
And I love you can't you see
That I can say I love you
Honestly yes
Call on me and I'll be there for you
I'm a friend who always will be true
And I love you can't you see
That I love you
HonestlyI will never betray your trust in me
And I love you can't you see
That I can say I love youHonestly
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Gatekeepers4@ 3:48 PM   0 comments

nothingness

Thursday, February 09, 2006

losing ur license sucks....grrrrrrrrr especially when i need him more than he knows....i don't wanna go without him but maybe I will have to ..*tears* I am afraid to leave the kids I am afraid to leave him...but I know i need to go for my safety..things are increasing ly getting worse..I know he looks at me and sees failure..I am a failure as a mom as a wife...I try though..I love him more and more..I hope he knows that..But what kind of wife thinks about death? or cuts their body up like vegatables.......someone who is psycho...or maybe a bit desperate...or who has been so badly hurt they don't know what to do with the hurt...hopefully he knows he is loved........
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Gatekeepers4@ 12:12 PM   0 comments

Monday, February 06, 2006


I love you and am missing you very very much!! I am sad you are not here. My life is not complete without you. You make my day when I can wake you up and talk to you for hours. I know that you are where you need to be but nevertheless I am missing you...Hailey Posted by Picasa
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Gatekeepers4@ 4:25 PM   0 comments

whatever...the one who won't be missed

Friday, February 03, 2006

hi its me having a hard time wanna ...ok well thats not a option according to N or M..Well guess what it is a option for me I hate being inside and I hate being outside.No one will miss me charlotte and jen and hannah could take over But no one would miss me..........
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Gatekeepers4@ 6:17 PM   0 comments

                                                                                                                                                         

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About Us: There are lots of us It gets very crazy in our castle ...There is never a dull moment!

Intresting Things: We like to buy Shoes and purses but hubby doesn't like it ..heheheh

Mood: changes moment to moment

Favourite Colour : Purple...I like yellow..no i like blue..no wait pink..NO wait BLACK

Perhaps the best way to prevent child sexual abuse is to have open communication with your children STOP CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE!!!