today was ok....I guess last nite was horrid. Therapy late makes my life harder. I do not have time to process it. I have never called dr.r right after a session but last nite I felt very close to wanting to go away. But my kiddos and husband keep me here. i am so depressed. i do not understand . I have everything I want except..........what I need. Unconditional love from a parent.
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 3:05 PM0 comments
DAWN
Monday, November 26, 2007
PUMPKINHEAD I MISS YOU SO MUCH
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 1:58 PM0 comments
rants and ramblings by jen
Depression, no one cares ...does anyone hear me. Do you care I am having a reaction? I guess not. I feel very lonely , sad, depressed, hopeless and helpless. A lot of it has to do with M. She has not called me back after calling her a few times. Dr. R says we have to go through this crap that we are heading in the right direction. That our mind is trying to be whole.. Our mind will never be whole . we are so fractured split it is horrible. It feels really bad. I am so lucky to have the friends I do including my husband. Life will go one ................maybe
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 1:48 PM0 comments
The day before
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Every year at this time my system goes absolutely crazy. I am really scared because its the beginning of the downward spiral. This year is gonna be different. I am gonna find out what the heck is going on. We have been meeting every day trying to figure out the reason but we can't. Dr. R really freaked us out by mentioning a word that was very triggering and still is. I can't get it out of my head now. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Happy thanksgiving to all here is a little special gift to all my little parts inside...........
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 1:42 PM0 comments
Tired today. Had therapy last night. Am having a problem with parts wanting to die. And also ED.I do not want to eat then I want to eat....The mom makes it so bad she cuts me down all the time.....that size is not gonna fit u....your grandmother said I hope your daughters don't get as big as their mother. We'll screw you all. I want to just cry I feel fat already. I know I will never be thin but damn I feel like I am hugh.
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 10:51 AM0 comments
my life feels like it is over....I feel alll alone. I have my family.....but my family of origin I have to start walking away. I do not know if I can do IT. I feel so terrible right now. I am going to go slowly. As I sit here tears run down my face. I love them so much . I want a mom who is nuterin, who cares more about me then about what people will think. Last...I feel so alienated from everyone else. Do not know what to do.............a sad sad sad jenni
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 2:11 PM0 comments
a book about abuse for kids to understand AWESOME
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
The Book... Angie the Ant & the Bumblebee Tree
The Story of Angie the Ant Angie the Ant had always dreamed of freedom. She was born in captivity, but she knew that one day, she would find a way out. All her life, she had heard about the Bumblebee Tree. How she longed to live in the peaceful realm of Antamar, which lay just beyond the tree's mighty trunk .
Thus begins the first adventure of Angie the Ant. Her desire to free her people turns into a brave quest to save the Bumblebee Tree from the evil Queen Sadina, ruler of the Fleavils.
Join Angie and her newfound friends, Frankie the Blue Heron and Prince Bartlebee, as they embark on the adventure of a lifetime. Together, they work to save the day in a classic story of good versus evil.
of or pertaining to a function or functions: functional difficulties in the administration.
2.
capable of operating or functioning: When will the ventilating system be functional again?
3.
having or serving a utilitarian purpose; capable of serving the purpose for which it was designed: functional architecture; a chair that is functional as well as decorative.
4.
Also, func·tion·al·is·tic.(of a building or furnishing) constructed or made according to the principles of functionalism or primarily as a direct fulfillment of a material need.
5.
Medicine/Medical. without a known organic cause or structural change: a functional disorder. Compare organic(def. 5).
6.
pertaining to an algebraic operation: a functional symbol.
7.
Linguistics. (of linguistic analysis, language teaching, etc.) concerned with the communicative role of language rather than, in addition to, or as the framework for its formal structure.
–noun
8.
Mathematics. a function that has a domain whose elements are functions, sets, or the like, and that assumes numerical values.
DO you ever fell like you just need to go away. That you are worthless. That you deserve nothing. Well that's the way I feel now. i feel like things are happening out of my awareness. I am trying soooooooo hard to do the therapy thing work take care of my family and house. I miss Mirium she is away still but she'll be home soon. I also miss Dawn especially around the Holidays. I hope maybe we will be able to talk soon. I really am blessed to have Jess as a friend and Suzanne. they are keeping me sane right now as I feel unstable and insane.
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 3:44 PM0 comments
Monday, November 05, 2007
Having major abandonment issues and I do not know y? Driving my therapists crazy. Feeling a little crazy myself. Feeling like i have been switching away. Which when we feel like this we usually switch a lot. Since Thursday's therapy session we have been messed up...trying to fight the power. IT does not work.....crying on the phone with M
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 2:52 PM2 comments
Halloween is over
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Hi Jess if ya ever look here!!!!!!!!!
So Halloween is over...its time to go to bed. NO way!!!!! So tired do not sleep well have nightmares and body memories, flashbacks and terrible intrusive thoughts. However Halloween was a little better M called and stayed on the phone with me till kids got back. I was afraid to be a lone and I did not have to be. Worked on collages and am in the middle of a healthy We are ok one..........This has been very hard to do. M has been great she needed that vacation. I am starting to learn more and more about myself. Although it is very hard it has been extremely helpful. Inside team is working hard...Teamwork!!!!!!!!!1
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 1:51 PM0 comments
A fun place to be! Where there are many, some big some small but all with distinct personalities!
****WELCOME TO DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER HELL*****
adventure of a lifetime. Together, they work to save the day in a classic story of good versus evil. 
ʃən
