Jen and Dorthea "battles"
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Today!!!! so much wrong wanna end it all...but how selfish is that. All alone in my pain not knowing what to do. Totally blocking all parts from any emotions. N was so hurtful Tuesday, but making me realize the things I did wrong...Hailey struggling with the fact that D is gone. But we help her. I need someone to help me..not hurt me. HELP. Jen
Nothing seems right all is wrong...........give up get it over with..you are not worth it at all...You suck. you drive people away. You can't help her she is already dead inside. So be selfish. Your life is not worth it. Dorthea
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 4:09 PM
mondays
Monday, December 11, 2006
Monday mornings suck!!!! Especially after a weekend that was very busy. It was non-stop, I worked Saturday morning than got my haircut, then out to Dinner. Where I ate way way too much. But ay least now I thik I know y......that time of the month. Then Sunday we left our house at 8:30 am and did not get back until 6pm. Crazy crazy!!!!!
It was K's b-day and we celebrated it for two days. I am not sure what i am gonna do bout a b-day party in January. life seems to go by so quickly. It seems like yesterday I was prego with her and brought her home from the hospital just in time for Christmas. That was 8 years ago!!!!!!!!! well gonna get back to my day......
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 11:39 AM
Rambles by Leah
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
have therapy today do not really want to go.....crying on the inside.....can't keep my thoughts together...missing my friends....wondering what will happen on the inside tonight. Dr.R tried to make Hailey feel better but she does and she doesn't. She is gonna have to talk to N. Becca needs to talk to N too...
feeling like I am not connected..switching..running....hiding...lying...swirling.....floating...disconnected me. Who knows what to do anymore????????? lie down, give up, run away, go crazy?
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 3:02 PM
decorating
Monday, December 04, 2006
decorated for Christmas...kids had a great time have to clean the house don't feel like it....cleaned the kitchen this morning. always more cleaning after the weekend.
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 11:08 AM
mom
Friday, December 01, 2006
I want something more than anything....a mom who cares and understands loves unconditional. I want that I think. That is what I am to my kids. I love them very much. More than anything. But there is a void that I try to fill with shit. My insiders want a mom more than me. I want to stop their hurt, they want to stop their hurt. For some I am not good enough to replace a mom for others I am. I think about this and my Therapists come to mind.....
Becca wants N to be here mom. But there are parts that will not allow her to express that. there are others too. This brings me to wanting to hurt on the outside as much as the inside. I hurt so much. My body hurts from memories but I think right now Becca Bethany are going thru terrible things and they just want a mom to hold them and tell them that life is going to be okay. Because right now it feels very hard and terible, it makes it hard to be a mom to nurture your children when thats what you need. They get mad at N and M who can't be their mom.
OK so we as a system admit to wanting N and M to be our MOM.............
can anyone help???????????????
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 5:26 PM
DECEMBER
Its dark and dreary feels like September or May but in reality it's the 1st of December.......Indigo
scribbled Gatekeepers4@ 8:30 AM
