NOISETuesday, August 03, 2004Do u hear what I hear? probably not.......The amount of noise in my house is unbelievable.. The reality of having 5 kids!!! NOISE NOISE AND MORE NOISE......however that does not even compare with the amount of noise in my head......okay u are probably thinking right now she is crazy..noise in her head..or she is shictzo....I thought both of those things too but nope its neither.....Just differant parts of me communicating....or should I say yelling and making my life miserable.......Its like having a bunch of kids in my head...ANd they all want differnt things..There is a name for this I call it craziness but my therapist's call it DID......for more info you can go to the international society for the study of dissociation www.issd.org. This was a great starting point for me. However now I feel crazier than ever. I am overwhelmed and want it to go back to the way it was but that will never happen...So I guess I move forward but everytime I try its like 20 steps backwards. Part of it is I have a lot going on they tell me just taking care of 5 kids is a lot...I guess I don't even know what a lot is...Not to mention a child who is sick and needs medical assistance........(that causes triggering all the time). Craziness has always been part of my life so I function well but this is a bit much. When Chaos is all you know it is very easy to fucntion in chaos its when things quiet down that it becomes frightning... However chaos on the inside is all there ever is because that is what is comfortable even when it is dangerous even when it causes us not to feel. So chaos becomes overwhelming for me but is comforting for others NOW we have a dilema.....HELP anyone have any ideas??????????????
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A fun place to be! Where there are many, some big some small but all with distinct personalities!
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