A fun place to be! Where there are many, some big some small but all with distinct personalities!

****WELCOME TO DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER HELL*****

life is so short

Sunday, September 30, 2007


sadness what is it I just took abilify does it mean that , that is making me feel horrid I am gonna keep taking it. I slept not at all last night. Kendra wants out. i wish I could help her. Life seems to be getting harder. I am not calling anyone. They are worthless.......I am worthless. I wish ....well life is too short to put off doing things. I am so sorry all you are alll my friends I am comming up on a really sad annniversary. D and I have not talked for a year. How sad...*tears*
I miss her so much all the fun we had together I wish I could talk to her again. So dawn if you read this please call me..................
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Gatekeepers4@ 6:17 PM   0 comments

unsavable


Unsavable, unloveable, uncaredfore...that i how we feel today. Did not sleep at all anxiety was horrid. Took enough ativan that I could according to Dr.r I am so exhausted. I want to go back to bed but Daddy went out so I have to watch the kids. Nightmares that scare the heck out of me. My anxiety is so bad right now I want to cut . But I have a safety contract so I cant . I hope to go back to bed soon maybe some sleep will help.
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Gatekeepers4@ 7:41 AM   0 comments

extreme sadness

Friday, September 28, 2007


Save me ......no one saved me...how awful does that feel. to know u needed to be saved and to on cared and no one even wanted to . Now as an adult I use that term loosely I have to save myselves how unfair is that . If I can get through this part of the work I will be okay. Please someone help me. I really can not do this by myself
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Gatekeepers4@ 8:35 AM   0 comments

Avril lyrics hold on


You're not alone Together we stand I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand When it gets cold And it feels like the end There's no place to go You know I won't give in No I won't give in

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through Just stay strong 'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you

There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do There's no other way when it comes to the truth So keep holding on '
Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through


So far away I wish you were here Before it's too late, this could all disappear Before the doors close And it comes to an end With you by my side I will fight and defend I'll fight and defend Yeah, yeah


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Gatekeepers4@ 8:23 AM   0 comments

RAven..need I say more

Friday, September 21, 2007


life is crazy....all at school today...yes we will play.....not in a good way either new parts making them selves known. we r on a mission...to recover what is ours...I am sorry but I have to have it back. it is almost like a desire that is so deep that can not get rid of it. I hated t yesterday. I was so tired and am still tired. Life is too short to waste it on the past....................RAven
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Gatekeepers4@ 8:28 AM   1 comments

the wicked witch

Thursday, September 20, 2007


I am so mad right now I could scream. M is really pissing me off. I just want a simple answer and she has her fuckin secretary call me well screw u. I am sorry if u are sick. I guess No one cares. I think I am freaking out cuz of the seraquel.. Not taking it is making me crazy. Well crazier than I am usually. Back to M grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I am gonna have to just take a deep breath and breath. I am glad she is going on vacation soon. She needs it. It will not be soon enough. So for now I will go a freak out some more I want to freak out at her but i already left a meassage dont want to leave too many she may FIre me
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Gatekeepers4@ 2:55 PM   0 comments

shit

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

2 hours at the eye doctors...and she wants to see me again in 5-6 weeks. She pretty much ruled out pseudo tumor. yeah...So I guess these headaches are all in my head. I can barely see to type right now but I wanted to get a quick post on today cuz my inside world is out ogf control and I need to vent. I want to go to sleep and not get up for days but duty calls. No one really cares if I live or die so I guess I will just go one as if everyday is my last. Toooo much fighting tooo much meneories. Tooo much blackmail... stupid time of year . As it gets colder and more people decorate for H. we get worse........Hannah....and company
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Gatekeepers4@ 1:37 PM   1 comments

A quote

Tuesday, September 18, 2007


quoting Marianne Williamson]
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
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Gatekeepers4@ 3:03 PM   0 comments

Sad days

Monday, September 17, 2007


C went to school today had a hard time with it this morning...actually been very weepy all day.. Have to go to work. Do not want to go but I have to. I hate who I work with today. I do not think I will be there that long.....shit my life is insane. Tomarrow I am gonna do laundry. I have so much to fold that is my goal.. weather i make it is another story. i watched patch Adams it was good today made me cry though. I am sos so so sad. Well gotta go love ya all......Charlotte
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Gatekeepers4@ 2:19 PM   0 comments

thoughts

Sunday, September 16, 2007


this weekend was very hard. I have not been grounded much. Work was good. I dread it tomarrow. I want to just sleep thru it. C is going to school and charlotte is feeling very unneeded. I just want to get thru this week . It is gonna be crazy. We have so much to do. I see the eye doctor on wednesday. I am not looking forward to that. maybe I need to cancel. My MRI came back ok. I am glad I need to do research on the limbic system. i know this post is so all over the place. i have cut my prozac down 20 mg cuz I need it to last longer....No money to pay for a nother perscription. oh well see DR. R tomarrow maybe he will take away the seraquel...........someone unorganized
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Gatekeepers4@ 6:16 PM   0 comments

Wednesday, September 12, 2007


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Gatekeepers4@ 9:14 PM   0 comments

Avril Lavigne - Keep Holding On

I am holding on by a thread.....


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Gatekeepers4@ 5:16 PM   0 comments

MY LIFE


Down the river I go watching as my sister is hurt . I watch the trees hoping that I can get by the river. But my fate is destined to swim in the river. To almost drown in my own blood. sadness!!!!! I need help not to drown . to hold on a little longer for Inside Sarah . To learn how I hold my breath a long time...*tears* Kendra

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Gatekeepers4@ 4:49 PM   0 comments

My inside world



This is a waring to anyone who is trying to change us......DO NOT...DEAMON I am allowed to be here and with that comes some pretty terrible things. Kendra Dorthea...You know what I am!!!!!!!! you know how I operate. talking is a NO NO. So anyone who wants to share secrets please DO NOT.....bad things happen then.......Lady Dark Soul

Deamon......we are not going to be quiet anymore. We deserve to be heard and if you and your possee have a problem with it u can see luca or caleb or J.R..............Jenn

Its kendra I am not happy with the choking game info...that sux that means that life can not happen. I am so addicticted to the High. N is right like she is all the time.

OMG what is going on internal communication on the blog ...this is a first and hopefully a last........................ Charlotte

I am so mad I need to tell someone about it cept I am never allowed in therapy . I want to sh really bad. The MRI yesterday I was cursing the tech. He was so annoying. I guess I need not tell u all the specifics but flashbacks were really bad....Raven


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Gatekeepers4@ 2:31 PM   0 comments

the choking game parents beware

Tuesday, September 11, 2007


What is the Choking Game?

The Choking Game achieves a brief high or euphoric state by stopping the flow of oxygen containing blood to the brain. Sometimes children choke each other until the person being choked passes out. The pressure on the arteries is then released and blood flow to the brain resumes causing a "rush" as consciousness returns.
There are variations of this activity which involve hyper-ventilating until the participant loses consciousness.
There is a lesser chance of death but it is still not safe. Playing this game in any form causes the permanent and cumulative death of large numbers of brain cells. The variation in blood pressure may also cause strokes, seizures, and retinal damage.The danger becomes even greater when a ligature is used and the activity is performed by a lone child. If the child loses consciousness and there is no one there to IMMEDIATELY release the pressure, he is unable to help himself. The child will suffer brain damage and death certainly after three minutes. Some of those who have died were alone for as little as 15 minutes before someone found them and it was already too late. This activity can claim a child's life the first time it is played.
Click to see a list of some of the victims of this activity.The most popular lately, is the Choking game, Passout game, Space Monkey and Black out. This game is dangerous in groups, but is becoming even deadlier when played alone. How Long Has This Been going On?This activity has been going on for generations. In almost any group of adults, one can find someone who played this game in some form or another when they were children. The modification that has made it even more dangerous is the use of ligatures and the practice of doing it alone. Make no mistake. It is NEVER safe, but most of the children who get into trouble are alone.
How widespread is this activity?
Deaths have occurred from this activity nationwide, and in other countries around the world. There are links to articles from some of these countries on the Media Pages. There are, no doubt, more and the list of dead children seems to grow each day.
Why Do Kids Do This?Some do it for the high which can become addictive. Others do it because it's "cool" and risky. Most of the kids who have died from this were not children in trouble. Most were well liked, active, intelligent, stable children who wanted nothing to do with drugs or alcohol. This was an activity they felt was safe. Children have no clue about the physiological principles involved and need to be told by the adults in their lives how dangerous this is. Also, most children have no concept of their own mortality. They truly believe nothing can hurt them.
If I think My child may be doing this, what can I Do? Supervise the child very closely. Dispose of items that could be employed for this purpose. Warn your child about this activity. They often don't know that this activity can kill them or leave them brain damaged. Alert school officials so that they can monitor your child. Often other students may also be participating. Consider professional counseling and support for your child and your family.
Check that siblings are not involved in this activity. Consider alerting your child's friends parents.
What Can I Do to Help Stop This? Talk to the children in your life, parents and everyone you know who works with children Make sure they understand why it is so dangerous to participate in this activity. I have a hard time calling this a game. But that's what the kids call it. Even if they survive, people who participate are killing brain cells each time they do this. The damage done is permanent and cumulative. In addition, a child choking another child who is injured or dies, may be indicted and prosecuted for his part in the death or injury. Insist that the school districts in your area provide education about this activity as a part of the risky behavior curriculum (drugs and alcohol, etc.). Doing so insures that all children are warned of the dangers of this activity. This should start as early as elementary school as older children seem to pass this activity to younger ones.

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Gatekeepers4@ 11:30 AM   0 comments

Ramblings by charlotte

going for an MRI am really freaking out. I hate those things. I really wanted to sh last night but I chose a movie instead. Still feel horrible. My body hurts so much. I do not understand I cancelled 2 therapy appointments this week. LAst night with DR.R and thursday with N. So I see M wed and fri. Sounds fun but I am having a hard time now. Work was a bitch last night can't stand who I work with. I may quit. find a nother job. oR maybe just ell Melissa I can't work mondays...oh well off to get the baby dressed shes 4 now not much of a baby..........charlotte
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Gatekeepers4@ 11:01 AM   0 comments

Headache 9-10

Monday, September 10, 2007


Headache headache headache...but y is it so bad today........some of us know...others of us try to forget. We cancelled our appointmeent with Dr. R tonite. I feel horrid. Have to go to work but really do not want to . just finished making dinner for kids. Since I will be at work. I want to hurt myself today so work is probably the best place for me.
I know it is only memories I see but I forget sometimes. Life seems to be a dual reality...The past and the present. And going back and forth from it. Today has been hardere to get thru....the past keeps robbing the present. I want to Die and it be over but again that is just some stupid mind control tactic. I do not have to die because of the day I may feel like it but I do not ......SO today I am going to fight against the past and try to remain in the future....no matter what the pain is like. Again when I stay in the present my body wants to stay in the past ( body memories)jen 3 and 4

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Gatekeepers4@ 2:07 PM   0 comments

Friends

Friday, September 07, 2007

This blog and my journals are going to make a book one day. I don't know when or wherer or how but I know that I am going to write a book. I am always writing in different forms. I love poetry and I love to write free form. So hopefully one day my life will impact someone else. I have been through a lot as far as I know. There are tons of parts inside my head. I am always surprised when I meet a new part and I hear what they have to say.
I also have a lot of support from being in the hospital. Nicole and I have been friends for 2 years now and we talk regularly. Wanda and I have been friends since 04' we talk once in a while. I have a very good friend who is getting married in December and I am her matron of Honor. I still have to get a dress, work on the bridal shower . I have so much to do. I also have a great friend who I met when Jake was born. We have been through so much together but still are very close. And last but not least there is mir my one and only friend that I talk to everyday...She lives so far away I miss her. Oh yeah there alsois Dawn who I will never forget she will always be in my heart so...Dawn again I say I miss you and I have been thinking about you. I hope all is well!!!!!!!!!!
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Gatekeepers4@ 1:03 PM   1 comments

being sick

Wednesday, September 05, 2007


sick with a migraine totally out of it all weekend.. therapist was not happy when i told her i could not drive Friday...... went to the doctor have to go to 3 specialist in the next month do not really want to. And have to have a MRI.....that I can not do. I am already freaking out about but will make the appointment. figuring it is my head.....new parts that are active now Kendra and kendrabelle. do not kow what to do. They want their time in Therapy but we have other problems too. being sick is a huge trigger for me and causes a lot of inside problems. I wish I could help them the way they want to be helped...go back in time.. well I can not so..... Oh well somehow we will figure it out. gotta go head killing me...mir luv ya call me I am always here for u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Gatekeepers4@ 7:31 AM   0 comments

                                                                                                                                                         

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About Us: There are lots of us It gets very crazy in our castle ...There is never a dull moment!

Intresting Things: We like to buy Shoes and purses but hubby doesn't like it ..heheheh

Mood: changes moment to moment

Favourite Colour : Purple...I like yellow..no i like blue..no wait pink..NO wait BLACK

Perhaps the best way to prevent child sexual abuse is to have open communication with your children STOP CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE!!!