ANXIETYMonday, November 21, 20059 out of 10. Anxiety is so hard I can't function too well. I wanna just sleep!!! We get one problem inside taken care of then three more arise.....I am so exhausted just from taking care of everyone inside and making sure the others are taking care of outside. I've been with Scarlet for the weekend she's ok....but still overwhelmed.. I have not been taken care of outside kids Jen has been and its hard for her so Stella and her have been changing places. The house is a mess. But the kids are doing great it has been fun having them home today. We watched a movie and made popcorn. We are going to make Brownies in a little bit..I promised them even though I don't feel like it. then back in to keep scarlet company and I am gonna let her try a brownie she has never had one... It will be a new experience for her. I may call DR. R tonight Truth????Thursday, November 17, 2005To tell the truth or not to? when we tell the truth we gwt in trouble and they dont believe us anyway. So I guess I continue to do what we r doing. Trying our damndest to stay safe. when not everyone inside want to be safe. I can lie and say of yeah we all want to be safe....well that be bullshit. Or we can say the ones that are unsafe r hiding but that be a lie to. So I just go round feeling like shit. I wish somehow we would get a magic pill. But no the more we do therapy the more parts reveal themselves and their part of the story ( which in my opinion sux)I understand they wanna tell and talk but I as a person can not handle it all. And the T's expect me too. You survived it once you can again. Well some of us don't want to survive it relive it tell it hear it Now. It sux!!!!!!!!!! Tuesday, November 15, 2005
missing PumpkinheadMonday, November 14, 2005oh well I am just sitting here trying to go to bed and get my little ones to bed.. I have a really weird sense of peace...It actually doesn't fit my mood soI am wondering what is going on? I am so tired of all th e crap that goes inside i could screram. Actually its probably because no one ever tells me what 's going on...I miss pumpkinhead so much but will be calling her soon.... My body hurts but what else is knew just learn to live with it i have foer a lot of years........I wish some would tell me y we have this weird eerie calm feeling................Hailey
Depression 101I am so depressed and I don't know why.. I feel like crying all day. But at least today I got out of the house went to the grocery store...cleaned the bathroom and am working on hte laundry. I am playing with my 2 year old and I get so overwhelmed.. I dont know why. I let lili play with her co-counciously with me but i think that makes things worse right now...she wants me to her self. She's having a hard time that I play with my kids...Her and Emmy. I try to explain to them that I love them too... But they are so sad... Broken hearted....as they see me playing with my 2 year old, I dont know how to fix it... And pumpkinhead is gone....I miss her but I know she is where she needs to be. Pumpkinhead when you get back and read this I love you!!!!! Eric has been wonderful...He has his own problems yet he always has time for a ll of us just to listen.I m sorry ERic that we r so messed up!!!!!!!!!If we died then u wouldn't have a messed up life you could get on with a life that was better you and the kids.......I 'm sorry...I just think u would be better off with out all my problems...but I love you so much. FOR MY PUMPKINHEADFriday, November 11, 2005I know you are having a hard time. I'll bet part of it is me...because there are parts inside me having a hard time but I want you to know this......I love you WHATEVERThursday, November 10, 2005Things get so fucked up..Parts from everywhere are popping up and my t asks a dumb question like why are you more fragmented.....Im answerin my head of course...I was just in a major catergory 5 hurricane..It was very scary not only that it allowed for new parts to come out because a lot of triggering past stuff. We have not slept since hallowween and eating sux. I am afraid in my. Every little thing I hear I wanna run....right now the wind outside is bad so its freaky......bbl pumpkinhead is calling me PumpkinheadWednesday, November 09, 2005oh pumpkinhead THERAPY HELL
I M Back From Hurricane Ravished MexicoMonday, November 07, 2005Have not posted forever was in a hurricane in Mexico...remind me not to go out of the US during hurricane season. Spent from Thursday thru Sunday in ashelter at the Hotel we were staying at. Damn it was scary. Oh yeah we were supposed to leave on Saturday but could not get out until the following Wednesday and then on a cargo plane.....Ive been reduced to cargo...LOL I would have left on any thing to get the hell off the island. I missed the kids so bad.. And my friends too. And maybe even my T's.... They were awesome to...... |
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