A fun place to be! Where there are many, some big some small but all with distinct personalities!

****WELCOME TO DISSOCIATIVE IDENTITY DISORDER HELL*****

middle east..................

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

hey I dont understand whats going on in the middle east? maybe its becuz I dont want to or maybe its becuz it is hard to understand ..They gave back power to Iraquis. Now they r giving Saddam Hussiun back to the Iraquis how do we know they r not gonna just let him go...Or some terrorist group is not gonna just break him out,,,, I have a BAD FEELING about all this Well thats all I have to say about this except they better stop beheading these people
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Gatekeepers4@ 10:26 AM   1 comments

WEEKEND......

Monday, June 28, 2004

weekend was ok....I was a little tired I slept a lot I wonder what I am trying to avoid..........hmmmmmmmm could it be a certain person going away..could it be we spent a lot of time with family...hmmmm..I have no idea...but guess whatI feel really stupid for feeling so bad that she is going away..that is the dumbest thing..I can't believe i am allowing it to effect me. This is so ridiculous..So I will keep myself busy and just forget that it affected me. Actually I feel better now that she is away..I think It was just the anticipation. And I think it will probably fly by, i do feel dumb allowing it to have bothered me. Oh well I will get over it. On to this week..no teaching thank God...I am hoping to get a jump on all these clothes I have all over this house and spend a lot of time at the pool with the kiddos.
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Gatekeepers4@ 8:06 AM   0 comments

Friday

Friday, June 25, 2004

I am glad i am done teaching for the week it has been a long week.Life is a little less hectic except right now i am feeling a bit panicky..not sure why but I am...I guess maybe its the end of the week or it is that my Therapist is going away..She is going away for over two weeks and that has some of us scared..Oh well I guess once she is gone it will be good...Time seems to go by so slowly having all these kids home..The summer has just begun and yet i am so ready for them to be back in school....soon it will be time...However...right now I just need to get orginized and such..get my life together..So much going on this summer..from teaching to my Grandfathers 90th Birthday party..which I still have to do the invitation for but I cant find the cd...hmmmmmmm who hid the cd? Does someone not wanna make an invitation..lmao To get thru the next few weeks probably will be a little easier than i think...AUTOPILOT......just go thru the motions of day to day stuff.i need to get some kinda schedule worked out...Oh well enough for now............
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Gatekeepers4@ 3:27 PM   0 comments

I survived

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

I survived my Hubby being away for all of 24 hours actually It was a little longer than that since his flight was delayed.....It really was not so bad..I had the kids at the pool for hours and had dinner at my moms' going to the pool..I did not sleep well. Because someone called and hung up the phone on me and it was an unknown caller but I found out later it was someone I knew who thought I had hung up on them ..Lmao..Misunderstandings..so I stayed up pretty late that nite worring someone was checking to see if I was here so they could break into my house...Talk about a little paranoid..oh well now I have to survive my therapist being away for three weeks that should be fun..well I am a little crazy so it maybe a bit difficult. Some are worried about the shit hitting the fan and her not being here but we did survive all these years with out her...FREEDOM...FREEDOM...FREEDOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
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Gatekeepers4@ 5:53 PM   0 comments

BROKENNESS

Saturday, June 19, 2004

ok all this stuff together has really bothered me ..I sit here and think..why..Brittnay pretending to die...a man in Saudia arabia being beheaded...tortured my whole body aches and I feel so alone..there are people I thought I could trust but feel right now I can not..i have no where to go..Well maybe that was the idea..Maybe that was the plan..But what ever it is just me a lone feeling all these things pretending to be ok all the time and in reality there are times I am ok....I watched the Nobody's Fool video By evanescence and It is so me..She is trying to be happy and then smashes the window!!! HELLO that is so us...MOODY???????...no just collective but unconnected. So I sit here trying to be ok and to stay grounded to get these feelings away: as far away as possible.... who knows maybe one day I'll be able to fix these relationships but right now I feel betrayed and that I can't trust anyone!!!!!!!!! And that takes me to a place of being alone again by myself where I have always been where I should have stayed where it hurts less...At least the pain gets distributed..Man I feel like SHIT RIGHT NOW
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Gatekeepers4@ 8:11 PM   0 comments

EVERYTIME REVIEW Brittany Spears

Review of Brittany Spears suicide song Everytime>>>>>> First of all the ending Sucks when she comes out of the water smiling I think she is a spoiled little brat who has never once had a fuckin bad thing happen to her..Oh I am so sorry u have fame and fortune It is really hard to be a celebrity...Well guess what chickie u picked that life style..You made a choice YES did you hear me you made a choice to be a star and to commit psuedosuicide over that is fuckin ridiculous!!! Just cuz photographers take your pictures...I am not really minimizing how hard it is to be a celebrity because I think it is hard to be in the public eye BUT YOU DID HAVE A CHOICE Everyone has their struggles I agree but fuck don't go playing like you are gonna kill yourself and then come up smiling WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABOUT?
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Gatekeepers4@ 7:55 PM   0 comments


ZARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Posted by Hello
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Gatekeepers4@ 4:36 PM   3 comments

For Paul Johnson


In lasting memory of Paul JohnsonThe American Beheaded In Saudia Arabia.

Suffering Heart Darkness gaining power within, tempting my soul to fall. Tortured suffering alone, fighting deepest pain,I lose my life.... Finally today I greet the Lord, gaining all comfort from Him. Finally today I greet the Lord, gaining all comfort from Him. Joy eternal lifting my heart, swelling within my breast; Now I behold, Heavenly life, glory and happiness.
WE said a prayer for you hoping that you would find some peace
 Posted by Hello
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Gatekeepers4@ 4:16 PM   0 comments

Saturday Rant....by Blossom

Ok I guess I can Post even though I don't really feel like writing anything..We have had weekends full of birthday parties and I am sick of them...I am so glad this weekend there is only one...I am really kinda upset about the guy in Saudia Arabia who was beheaded...first of all that is gross second of all the torture that man must have gone thru...for some reason I just feel like my heart hurts like some how I can just feel his pain the fear he must have been in.....ok enough for now i have a headache I need to go lay down.....Blossom
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Gatekeepers4@ 3:29 PM   0 comments

MSPI>>> MILK AND SOY PROTEIN INTOLERANCE

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Bloody stools (and fussiness) are often the symptoms that lead people to suspect MSPI. Breastfeeding is great for kids with MSPI, but be aware that they can also be sensitive to several foods in the mother's diet. Many kids who are allergic to milk protein are also allergic to soy protein. Some are also allergic to egg, peanuts, or wheat--though this is much less common.

With the continued blood, you want to be sure that she is not anemic. If anemia were going to be a problem anytime soon, you would expect to see it by now.

Food allergies are dramatically more common in babies.

DRGREEN.COM
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Gatekeepers4@ 9:21 PM   0 comments

WEDNESDAY NITE

Wednesday nite and I am here with the kids it is 8pm..The day is almost over..It has been a total blur..baby ended up in ER last night it turns out she has a severe milk allergy. I feel so bad for her. They stuck her with a needle and it took 4 of us to hold her down poor thing was screaming.. I had tears steaming down my face.. I don't do well when my kids are sick.. I hurts me too. I am not a good mom when it comes to them being in the hospital... I don't know if it is becuz my mom was never there or if it was because I can't stand for them to be in pain.. I know it is for their own good. I am sure it is a little of both. anxiety is so bad right now..the kids are a bit loud and I just want them to be quiet.... Oh well kids will be kids.. The noise goes a long with them.. Therapy was today and that is a blur too...Things are quiet too...a bit too quiet..I am getting a sense the summer solstice has something to do with it..Oh well we will see..That is when my hubby is going away....Some of the kids are staying at my mom's house..so that should be good....I feel like there is a screen up and I am not able to see behind it right now....."on the surface what you see if not always what you get"
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Gatekeepers4@ 7:58 PM   2 comments

HOLD ON

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

GOOD CHARLOTTE LYRICS

"Hold On"

This world
This world is cold
But you don't
You don't have to go
You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely, and no one seems to care
You're mother's gone and your father hits you
This pain you cannot bear

But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through

Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know

Your days
You say they're way too long
And your nights
You can't sleep at all
Hold on
And you're not sure what you're waiting for, but you don't want to no more
And you're not sure what you're looking for, but you don't want to no more

But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through

Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on

What are you looking for?
What are you waiting for?
Do you know what you're doing to me?
Go ahead...What are you waiting for?

Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Hold on
[ www.plyrics.com ]


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Gatekeepers4@ 6:15 PM   1 comments

tUESDAY mORNING bULLSHIT

SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP NEVER NEVER NEVER.........this is getting a little ridiculous I am so tired from not sleeping. I am not sure why this is..Why this baby does not wanna sleep. Well guess what I wanna sleep I am so tired.. Maybe I can get a nappy in today. School is out at noon so the kids are gonna wanna go to the pool. But I need to get some sleep before then. On to other matters.....Therapy tomorrow DO NOT WANNA GO....this is an on going theme but this week is very bad.....RESISTANCE...I can feel it already in my gut. I think I maybe because she is going away and the closer it gets the more walls go up....or panicky we get...CANT BELIEVE WE ARE ADMITING THIS....WE WILL BE FINE WE ALWAYS ARE WE DON'T NEED ANY HELP FROM ANYONE WHO THE HELL CARES IF SHE IS GOING AWAY.GOOD FREEDOM FOR A WHILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FREEDOM
That was a real switch someone doesn't like it that someone else is feeling a bit abandoned....ut oh that is causing a whirlwind of insults......anyone who reads this is defiantly going to think I am insane......WELL I AM............HEHEHHEHEHEHEHEEHEHE
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Gatekeepers4@ 7:53 AM   0 comments

Emotions

Monday, June 14, 2004

Throughout the day we have experienced a ton of different emotions from sadness to rage. I hate having all these dumb emotions and I mean they are dumb. They serve no purpose to me except anxiety and they make me wanna run away.. I have no idea why so I try to numb out ..Many different ways to do that unfortunately they are not the best. I am not so good at expressing my emotions just writing this is making me feel really crazy and overwhelmed so I am going to go for now. Taking baby steps is the only way I am going to be able to do this because I can't handle it any other way. I always feel like I am going to die when I feel any kind of emotions. It really sucks and probably sounds so stupid.....The castle staff......I feel like writing but I dont want anyone to know so I am writing in an old post what afuckin chicken way out but I am so angry right now at the whole world That i want to be dead and i dont really want anyone to read this so I thought I'd embed it in this post so maybe someone will not find it and they'd think it was writing a long time ago when in reality it is written today I can't believe how angry I am right now at everyone I have not answered my phone at all it became filled with messages LOL..Well it really is not funny cuz I am really angry i could spit ..at myself I wanna curl up in a ball and dissapear. I dont want anyone to see me .i dont want to exist anymore but thats not gonna happen
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Gatekeepers4@ 5:55 PM   0 comments

PERFECT BY SIMPLE PLAN

PERFECT BY SIMPLE PLAN

Hey dad look at me
Think back and talk to me
Did I grow up according to plan?
Do you think I'm wasting my time doing things I wanna do?
but it hurts when you disapprove all along

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't pretend that
I'm alright
And you can't change me

'Cuz we lost it all
Nothing lasts forever
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect

I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spend with me
Now seem so far away
And it feels like you don't care anymore

And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you
I can't stand another fight
And nothing's alright

Nothing's gonna change the things that you said
Nothing's gonna make this right again
Please don't turn your back
I can't believe it's hard
Just to talk to you
But you don't understand

THIS IS SO MY LIFE
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Gatekeepers4@ 8:03 AM   0 comments

AWAKE TO START THE DAY

I am awake. Starting my day getting the older two dressed and fed and ready for school what I really want to do is still sleep...but its mommy duty this morning just like every morning...the other three are still sleeping so maybe I will lay down again after they leave. The little one just said "mommy can I have a drink?" so sweetly my heart melts. I love being a mom some days and othr days it can be themost thankless job. Off to school today for a program with my son...It should be fun but PEOPLE i am not always comfy around other mom's I don't feel like them..I feel like they look at me and can see all the abuse and such....I know that's not true. So off we go to start our day
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Gatekeepers4@ 7:29 AM   0 comments

this is really cool I wannaaaa do itttttttttttttttttttttttttt

The Layers Of You: This exercise is especially good for those who have large, complex systems. Using sheets of transparent paper, draw each layer of your system on separate pages and then bind them together. Each self may be represented by a symbol, and their various relationships with other selves may be denoted by different types of lines (ie, solid, dashed, dotted, colored). OR ... For this you need a photograph of yourself, sheets of white tissue paper, turps, and a rag. Lay the tissue paper on a hard surface. Do an enlarged photocopy the photo and place it face down on the tissue paper and rub its back hard with a turps-soaked cloth. Do this for about a minute. See if the image has transferred by gently peeling back one corner of the photocopy. The result should be layers of images on each of the sheets of tissue paper, representative of your layered selves.
Suggestions For Healing
source: Sara Lambert

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Gatekeepers4@ 12:00 AM   0 comments

Hands................

Sunday, June 13, 2004


I am stuck in a body that is not mine.......... These are not my hands, yet I look out of these eyes and I see them. I don't feel like I belong to these hands they don't look like my hands. They are much too big, my hands are smaller they like to play with dolls. These hands have rings of gold and diamonds. Others tell me that signifies a husband. A husband? How can I be married my hands are not big enough. But they are. They tell me they are. It is so confusing.  Posted by Hello
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Gatekeepers4@ 11:48 PM   0 comments

Self injury fact sheet

Self Injury Fact Sheet
source: Deb Martinson


>>>SI generally is done as a way of coping with overwhelming psychophysiological arousal. This can be to express emotion, to deal with feelings of unreality or numbness, to make flashbacks stop, to punish the self and stop self-hating thoughts, or to deal with a feeling of impending explosion. SI is more about relieving tension or distress than is it about anything else.

>>>Lack of role models and invalidation - most people who self-injure were chronically invalidated in some way as children (many self-injurers report abuse, but almost all report chronic invalidation). They never learned appropriate ways of expressing emotion and may have learned that emotions are bad and to be avoided.

>>>People who self-injure do generally do so because of an internal dynamic, and not in order to annoy, anger or irritate others. Their self-injury is a behavioral response to an emotional state, and is usually not done in order to frustrate caretakers. In emergency rooms, people with self-inflicted wounds are often told directly and indirectly that they are not as deserving of care as someone who has an accidental injury. They are treated badly by the same doctors who would not hesitate to do everything possible to preserve the life of an overweight, sedentary heart-attack patient.

>>>Studies have suggested that when people who self-injure get emotionally overwhelmed an act of self-harm brings their levels of psycho-physiological tension and arousal back to a bearable baseline level almost immediately.
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Gatekeepers4@ 11:31 PM   0 comments

venting curses

Ok i am just going to vent..I am so tired of asking for things and not getting them..it is so much easier to rely on ur self.. I dont need anyone. To rely on others for help sucks cuz it produces false hope and it sucks. I dont need fuckin help from anyone..I did not need help growing up and I don't need it now. I can deal with all this shit myself..the ways I deal with it may not be the best but they dont make the fuckin problems worse. They do not cause little ones to hope someone is going to help and then not help. We went through that as a kid we fuckin don't need that now. So from now on we are not asking for help because it gets us no where. We feel worse when we ask for help and dont get it...it tak us to a bad plac a plac we dont lik a plac were we hav been befor. I hate peopel.. i dont ned help I not ask for help anymor. Becuz it is not rit wen we dont get it. We usd to screm for help usd to screm HELP ME SOMEONE IS HURTING US AND NO ONE HEARD US>>>>>>>>>and it feels the same lili cant stand it she hates to feel that way and she gets hurt all the time............SO I AM NOT CALLING FOR HELP ANYMORE FUCK EM ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
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Gatekeepers4@ 11:14 PM   0 comments

venting

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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Gatekeepers4@ 9:43 PM   0 comments

weekend is over

ok thank God the weekend is almost over...It has been one party after another. Man I am tired. I have been out of touch with reality big time. After the Magic show I am having an extremely hard time. But more about that later have to go give the kiddos baths and calm down a bit.. I left my house at 10:45 and just got back at 6:30. I just heard something really cool on tv If You tell a wish to a butterfly it will send it up to the spirit worldand it will come true..how cool.............I wanna find a butterfly.
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Gatekeepers4@ 6:44 PM   0 comments

comfy couch

Saturday, June 12, 2004

The couch is getting mighty comfy now...baby and I are liking the couch..Every night I end up on the couch.She screams when she wakes up so I dont want her waking up the rest of the house.Which she does anyway.Because the couch becomes the family bed,Except it is only made for one to sleep on....oh well my body is used to being contorteted in different ways. One morning I am going to wake up with my legs in a pretzel behind my back. that will be fun to try to unti...hehehehhehhehhheeeeeee
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Gatekeepers4@ 8:14 AM   2 comments

Changing appointment times.....I have to get early nowwwwwwwwwww

Friday, June 11, 2004

man ..thought I was gonna get to sleep in tomarrow morning but i m not going to...Shit..I m so tired but maybe I will get to take a nap in th eafternoon..I freaking should have said I was busy...cuz that means i gotta leave at 9 am which means I have to get up by 7:30 or 8 am if I can get showered and get dressed quickly. dang I better go get ready for bed now..Lmao..i think hubby paid her off to change my appointment he hates when I sleep in but being able to come home and sleep will be even better..hehehehehe He doesn't like that very much...But I will change his mind...WEG....I am so evil tonite.......KRISTI where are u come out come out and play................... GUESS WHO????????
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Gatekeepers4@ 10:17 PM   1 comments

help need sour candy

help need sour candy my glands are killing me. but I have no idea why. I have not purged in a few weeks but yesterday they started hurting like hell. I hate eating sour candy....Sometimes that makes it hurt worse.. I hate when my glands hurt cuz it makes me feel awful for a few days...I have to remember to use the heating pad too. Its probably a combination of the TMJ too i have been grinding my teeth a lot too..Take some tylenol maybe even some left over diludid...nahhhhhh It hurts like hell!!!!!!!!!
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Gatekeepers4@ 3:36 PM   0 comments

welcome to hormone hell

pms...I definatly have pms..feel like ripping someones head off right now....dang and I got "it" so I know I am just about ready to tear someones head off....hehehehehhehehe Pms is Bad for me I hate it I hate it I hate it..It makes me crazy...ask my hubby...he says when all us girls (meaning my three daughters) get it at once he is taking our two sons and going away ........LMAO!!!!!!!! It will be hormone hell here!!!!!!! it is hormone hell here already...It will be hormone hell x4.....ut oh...DAddy and brothers watch out....hehehehehheheheheehheehehhehehehheeheeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Gatekeepers4@ 10:30 AM   1 comments

SLEEPY TIME

Thursday, June 10, 2004

OK GONNA TAKE SOME MEDS AND GO TO BED WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THE WHOLE BOTTLE BUT I WON'T...FEEL LIKE SHIT TONITE SO GONNA GO TRY TO SLEEP..HOPEFULLY THE DEMONS WILL LEAVE ME ALONE TONIGHT
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Gatekeepers4@ 10:40 PM   0 comments

top 10 excuses given to therapist y I cant come to therapy

10 My car won't start (isn't there a bus stop close to u?)
9 I am sick (are you throwing up?)
8 My kids are sick ( are they throwing up?)
7 I lost my keys (Ok we need to get u a spare set)
6 I have headache (she'd make me come anyway I always have a headache)
5 I got lost on my way to therapy (this really happens to me){draws me a map}
4 I don't have a babysitter (Bring them with You){5 kids}
3 Hubby missed the train (ok so he was late a few times)
2 money??? who has money (dang insurance company is paying now)
1 I don't like you anymore (in other words she said something true that I did not wanna hear)

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Gatekeepers4@ 10:19 PM   2 comments

VENTING lots of curses

Therapy..y do go I often ask myself that..it just makes the fuckin battle 10x worse..it is incredible..these therapist must think my life is great here lets talk about all this shitty crap....ok its time to go time to put it back together.....I have spent my whole life trying to block it out and now it comes out and they expect it to just go back together well it fuckin does not and then it pisses other parts off bigtime and I pay the fuckin price..who the fuck cares about me....the one in the fuckin middle who constantly getts trampled on who has the nightmares the flashbacks the fuckin PAIN..I know its not anyones fault but my own. I caused it all to happen..Wrong place at the wrong time I guess.i guess i just got the raw end of the deal..So enough about this crap..I will go to sleep and deal with the same shit tomarrow..Go around pretending Life is good and fair when in reality it really sucks!!!!!!!!
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Gatekeepers4@ 10:11 PM   0 comments


Got this in email today from my Good friend KRISTI>>>>>>>WEG.....Thought it was so funny INDIGO Posted by Hello
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Gatekeepers4@ 12:32 PM   0 comments

school is almost out

hi all this week as flew by. Thank God it is almost over but closer and closer we get to school being out. Tomarrow is the last full day. oh no ahhhhhhhhh...then things get crazt but i m gonna start structuring our days.....we hate structure tho.....but in order to keep my sanity I think I need to..yuck we dont want structure...we dont want structure.... pool chores arts and crafts playtime lunch snack music videos just some ideas park grocery store..............any other ideas leave comments kk
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Gatekeepers4@ 9:38 AM   0 comments

off to the pool

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Gonna Go get ready to go to the pool...hehehehehehehehehehe we r taking a picnic for dinner tonight the kids r so excited we r a little worried for some reason.....pools...fezs I don't know and we can't call anyone anymore...they said no calling.....anymore no more...but we r goinng swimming. It is gonna be so fun a picnic. Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh going to make sandwiches..Its kinda quiet now a lot of static ...this post makes no sense right now but off to the pool we go
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Gatekeepers4@ 3:41 PM   0 comments

The Fez...By ZARA

Found this info and thought it was very informative.......very anxiety provocing too trying to piece all this together but am not having any luck..I can picture this in my head...a lot of resistance right now as i sit and type the battle grows fiercer the fight grows darker the war is waged and the price for this info is gonna be..........

All Shriners receive, as one of their most prized possessions a red "fez" felt headdress, which they wear to their meetings and events as a badge of honor, ignorant of its' historical origin. The traditional red "fez" originated in the city of Fez, a city in Northern Morocco many centuries ago, when a Muslim army slaughtered the entire Christian population of Fez. The blood from hundreds of slaughtered Christians ran in the streets, and victorious muslims dipped their headdresses in the blood as a symbol of victory. For "Christian" Mason Shriners to wear these red Fez hats is an afront to God and to the memory of those martyred Christians.

Each of the above pagan Masonic oaths, except the shriners, which is sworn to Allah, the God of the Qu'ran, and of Muslims, conclude with the words, 'So help me God.' For a Christian to call upon God as a witness to these evil barbaric oaths, as he is voluntarily binding himself to a spirit of fear by agreeing to be murdered by his lodge brothers, or to mutilate and murder any Masonic brother who reveals Masonic secrets, is an incredibly sad and spiritually blind deed, and an abomination to God
.

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Gatekeepers4@ 2:25 PM   1 comments

Trainwreck

Would your love in all its finery
tear at the darkness all around me
until I can feel again
until I can breathe again

Cause Im a train wreck waiting to happen
waiting for someone to come pick me up off the tracks
a wild fire born of frustration
born of the one love that gets me so high
Ive no fear at all

Would your eyes like midnight fireflies
light up the trenches where my heart lies
until I can see again
to find my way back again

Chorus

To fall so deep into you
lose myself completely
in your sweet embrace
all my pains erased

From your mouth its all that I wish
the mercy of your lips just one kiss
until I can breathe again
so that I can sing again

chorus

By Sarah McLachlan
Sarah McLachlan website
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Gatekeepers4@ 8:45 AM   0 comments

GOING AWAY

she is going away and i dont think i like it she will be back soon in two week and few days but thats ok..some people thinks its ok i m sad..i dont know y tho. it iis relly confusin to me it shold not matter..bye go away i dont like u anyway ....we shuld not go to therpy anymore til she gets back.ok thats the solution no therapy.. she is nice but i think it will be scary ...ok non of this makes sense. Becca

*****Yes It does but she does deserve a vacation she works very hard. Especially with us we make her job very difficult so get over it. She will be back and we will be fine we lived our lives without her. 2 weeks Is nothing. It will fly by.*****************
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Gatekeepers4@ 8:13 AM   0 comments

wakey wakey time

OMG am I tired......guess I did not sleep very well. I should rename this Blog the Blog that never sleeps..hehehehehehe oh well just part of life I guess u can get used to only 2 or 3 hours of sleep..I finally fall asleep (when the sun comes Up) and its time to wakey wakey......get the kids off to school..such is life...OK another ramble...we r sitting at Mcdonalds last nite watching the kids play( cuz I am the laziest mom ever and did not feel like cooking)and my hubby says to me : are u her (my therapists) most psycho patient? and I answered probably...he really thinks I am insane u know the many changing moods of Jen..It has him really really confused. So I told him to call her and ask her...can u imagine...hello I was just wondering if u could tell me if my wife is ur most psychotic patient?..cuz she seems really psychotic to me????? RTFLMAOOOOOOOOOO
Well needless to say he is not gonna do it... CHICKEN JUST KIDDING HONEY I LOVE YA and yes i am a bit psychotic hehehehehehehehehehehehehe why else would u have married me
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Gatekeepers4@ 7:46 AM   2 comments

BREATH

ok need to slow it down a bit... Breath....hey if you read this can ya please post familar nursery rhymes u learned as kids? just am wondering what everyone learned Thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ok gonna go try to sleep again......
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Gatekeepers4@ 2:26 AM   0 comments

Cant Sleep...Warning: LOTS A BAD WORDS

ok up again...WTF.....baby wakes up shes back to sleep but I cant go back to sleep. My mind is racing from earlier. I guess therapy always does that. But this time its more than that. Therapy was not to bad (whatI remember) that part still sux. I still forget a lot. Here is the deal my grandfather will be 90 in September. But we r having a party for him in August.........but it is turning out to be a fuckin battle noone wants to be with each other sibiling wise.....then they r gonna have a dinner just for the children.. NO GRANDCHILDREN which is fine by me so I get volunteered to have a barbaque for all grandchildren n greatgrandchildren.......which is fine but my uncle wont come if his step daughter cant go to the dinner (what is he fuckin her too) oops did I say that.......Well Fuck that what about the rest of us...not to mention his real kids he doesn't give a crap about....... can we just say Dysfunction
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Gatekeepers4@ 2:03 AM   0 comments

Monday, June 07, 2004


do ya love me do ya love me...............char Posted by Hello
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Gatekeepers4@ 9:44 PM   5 comments


I am gonna be in real trouible for posting this but I thought it was great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!zara Posted by Hello
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Gatekeepers4@ 9:41 PM   2 comments

A poem

Dark days dark nights
the moon glows so bright
the light from it radiates
the depth of my soul
there is much to see
that would astound you
but is hidden in my mind
the swirling keeps it from sinking in
the spinning keeps them confused
the darkness will be a constant terror
and the glow from the moon will be a reminder.



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Gatekeepers4@ 9:38 PM   0 comments

I have the best therapist..............................

I want her to fix this problem but she did not!!! But she called me back anyway and said we would work on it tomarrow. She did not have to do that I totally did not expect her to. I am totally having a hard time and I thought she'd be like everyone else just ignore that fact. But she took 6 minutes out of her night, just to let me know that although she cant fix it now we can work on it tomarrow and that she does know it is horrible to have to deal with. I dont feel as alone as I have. However it does scare the crap out of me because I am not used to anyone caring. Or even listening to me for that fact.
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Gatekeepers4@ 9:26 PM   0 comments

How it feels to have DID

Imagine hiding your skin under clothes and makeup so no one knows. Fearing that if someone sees your white skin that they will stop being your friend. They will fire you, leave you, or take away your children and call you crazy.

Imagine taking costly, painful treatments in hopes of changing your skin. Imagine the fear that people will find out why you are seeing a doctor. Imagine your anger that you have to struggle so hard to appear like everyone else. That you did nothing wrong, yet you live this life of fear and hiding.

Imagine being free enough to show your skin. To tell the world "This is who I am!"
Imagine a world educated enough to accept you, and your white skin.


You've just experienced some of what it feels like to live every day as a Multiple, pretending to be "normal." Hiding the signs of changing personalities. Feeling the shame that we can't tell people why we do certain things, because we'd have to tell them the truth. And the truth is Imagine hiding your skin under clothes and makeup so no one knows. Fearing that if someone sees your white skin that they will stop being your friend. They will fire you, leave you, or take away your children and call you crazy.


Imagine being free enough to show your skin. To tell the world "This is who I am!"
Imagine a world educated enough to accept you, and your white skin.

We're still waiting for the freedom. We're still hoping for the accepting, educated world to realize that Multiplicity happens to all kinds of people. We're still praying that child abuse will stop. We're still looking for signs that we're ok just the way we are.
.


www.comingoutmultiple.com
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Gatekeepers4@ 12:54 PM   0 comments

sleeping on the couch

Again the baby was up and again I ended up on the couch downstairs cuz the baby was crying..did not wanna wake the house up...TOO LATE...enter the 4 year old who sleeps at the bottom of the couch...Ok one couch three people sleeping...its kinda like squish the lemon..GUESS who is the lemon???? MEEEEEEEEEE..Ok so we get settled down and figure out how we r all gonna fit on this couch..and I am about to fall asleep and down comes the 7 year old.(rolls eyes) Oh no not on this couch..u can sleep on the other couch...so I start to fall asleep again and I get a foot in my stomach.OUCHHHHH...DAMN..I deceide NO sleep I will sleep later..Well sosme where betwween 4:30 and 7 am I fell asleep did not hear hubby go to work nothing...I wish I could have slept longer.......So my goal for the day is to take a nap..hehehehehe
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Gatekeepers4@ 8:15 AM   1 comments

Midsummer; Lihia; Summer Solstice.....BY BLOSSOM

Sunday, June 06, 2004

People around the world have observed spiritual and religious seasonal days of celebration during the month of June. Most have been religious holy days which are linked in some way to the summer solstice. On this day, typically JUN-21, the daytime hours are at a maximum in the Northern hemisphere, and night time is at a minimum. It is officially the first day of summer. It is also referred to as Midsummer because it is roughly the middle of the growing season throughout much of Europe.

"Solstice" is derived from two Latin words: "sol" meaning sun, and "sistere," to cause to stand still. This is because, as the summer solstice approaches, the noonday sun rises higher and higher in the sky on each successive day. On the day of the solstice, it rises an imperceptible amount, compared to the day before. In this sense, it "stands still."

The holiday, in fact, is not the Midsummer Day, June 24, but the evening and night preceding it. The holiday coincides with the summer solstice. At the beginning of the 20th century it was observed all over Lithuania, now it is more popular in the northern and central parts of the country. Although St. John the Baptist occupies a very important place in the hierarchy of saints, the Church does not attach any great importance to the celebration of his nativity, which falls on the Midsummer Day. It is a festival of simple people, connected with the veneration of fire. Young girls adorn their heads with flower wreaths. A tall pole with a wooden wheel soaked in tar or filled with birch bark is hoisted at the top of the highest hill in the vicinity. Men whose names are Jonas (John) set the wheels on fire and make bonfires around it. In some places a second pole is hoisted with flowers and herbs. Young people dance round the fire, sing songs about rye, play games, men try to jump over the fire. The burning wheels on the poles are rolled down the hill into a river or a lake at its foot, men jumping over it all along. On the Midsummer Day people weed the rye and burn all the weeds.

On Midsummer Day's morning witches acquire special powers, they drag towels over the dewy grass to affect cows' milk. To save their cows from the witches' magic farmers shut them in cowsheds for the Midsummer Night and stick bunches of nettle in the door to scare the witches away. On Midsummer Day cows are driven out to pasture in the early after- noon when there is no more dew on the grass. Horses, however, are left to graze in the open throughout the night, or the witches magic has no effect on them.

On Midsummer Day dew has special healing powers. Young girls wash their faces in it to make themselves beautiful, older people do the same to make themselves younger. It is good to walk barefoot in dew on Midsummer Day's morning, for it saves the skin from getting chapped.

Midsummer Day and the time immediately preceding it is believed to have special powers. Medicinal herbs collected from June 1 to the Midsummer Day can cure 12 (some say 99) diseases. There are girls who save their Midsummer Day's wreaths all the year round. Great importance is attached to the Midsummer Day's fire. Its embers are brought home to make the hearth fire, and its ashes are spread in the fields.

There are numerous stories about the fern, which comes into blossom in the thick of the woods on Midsummer Night. He who finds a fern blossom becomes a wise, rich and happy man. But it is not easy to find a fern blossom, for horrible monsters and witches try to scare everybody away so that they could snatch the blossom themselves. Everybody who wants to find a fern blossom must know that only nine-year-old ferns can burst into blossom, that it is necessary to spread a silk kerchief under the clump for the blossom to fall onto, to draw a circle around oneself with a rowan stick hallowed in church, light a candle and pray in defiance of the monsters around. The blossom that drops onto the kerchief looks like a speck of gold. It is best to saw it under the skin of a finger or the palm, then nobody will steel it from you.

Only a very good man can hope to find a fern blossom and it can happen only once in his lifetime, Sometimes the fern blossom drops into a poor man's bast shoe unawares and suddenly the man acquires knowledge of the hidden treasures, of the speech of animals and birds, trees and bees. But when the man comes home and takes off his shoes, the fern blossom falls out, all the man's knowledge disappears

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Gatekeepers4@ 8:01 PM   1 comments

What a day..

What a day!!!to many things we did this weekend..oh my gosh..I m so so so tired..Grandparents celebrated 65 years of marriage!!!!! Dang that is a long time.I went there today to celebrate with them that was great fun. We had food and kids running around in an old age home. Where there are lots of sick people who walk around not knowing where they are. Then we had to go out to dinner with the parents and grand mother that was fun..Yyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ok For no I am done. I am gonna go and journal and draw a little actually I may collage for a while lots of anxiety............heheheheheeheheheheheheheh
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Gatekeepers4@ 7:44 PM   0 comments

Awake Again

Saturday, June 05, 2004

baby just woke up..I just got her back to sleep did a few loads of laundry but am afraid to sleep so Here i am at 1:30 posting some things....Did not post much friday had a rough day so deceided to focus on just functioning...We took kids to the pool it was fun..Had a lot of anxiety but will work on that..Lots of things are open and to get over that I think I am going to have to slow it down a bit..This weekend is very busy so we will see how much gets posted..Little ones want to post too so we will see how that goes a little at a time.....I am really tired and anxios so m gonna go try to relax a little and BREATH
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Gatekeepers4@ 1:35 AM   0 comments

Another part of Lamia byJohn Keats

Friday, June 04, 2004

Of life have I preserv'd thee to this day,
And shall I see thee made a serpent's prey?"
Then Lamia breath'd death breath; the sophist's eye,
Like a sharp spear, went through her utterly,
Keen, cruel, perceant, stinging: she, as well
As her weak hand could any meaning tell,
Motion'd him to be silent; vainly so,
He look'd and look'd again a level - No!
"A Serpent!" echoed he; no sooner said,
Than with a frightful scream she vanished:
And Lycius' arms were empty of delight,
As were his limbs of life, from that same night.
On the high couch he lay! - his friends came round
Supported him - no pulse, or breath they found,
And, in its marriage robe, the heavy body wound.
John Keats
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...............Lady Dark Soul
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Gatekeepers4@ 1:03 PM   0 comments

THERAPY SUX

Thursday, June 03, 2004

y oh y do I do therapy.it just causes an upset amajor upset i m going to vent about this because i m tired of crying...I hate opening things up in 1 hour then being sent home here ya go u deal with it,damn it I had to deal with it before and I could not deal with it then what makes ya think its any different now...oh yeah i m supposebly grown up..i can't deal...i have too much other shit to be doing like taking care of five kids and doing laundry that never gets done!!!!!!!!! Emotions sux crying sux they overwhelm me...then after an hour see ya next week...go home deal with all the shit we just talked about...Fuck i dont have time or the energy anymore..grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...Okay I feel a bit better off to bed to be met by those nitemare demons............BERTHA/KRISTEN
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Gatekeepers4@ 11:36 PM   0 comments

Magic by Olivia Newton- John

Come take my hand
You should know me
I've always been in your mind
You know that I'll be kind
I'll be guiding you

Building your dream
Has to start now
There's no other road to take
You won't make a mistake
I'll be guiding you

You have to believe we are magic
Nothin' can stand in our way
You have to believe we are magic
Don't let your aim ever stray
And if all your hopes survive
Your destiny will arrive
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you

From where I stand
You are home free
The planets align so rare
There's promise in the air
And I'm guiding you

Through every turn I'll be near you
I'll come anytime you call
I'll catch you when you fall
I'll be guiding you

You have to believe we are magic
Nothin' can stand in our way
You have to believe we are magic
Don't let your aim ever stray
And if all your hopes survive
Your destiny will arrive
I'll bring all your dreams alive
For you



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Gatekeepers4@ 3:41 PM   0 comments

XANADU


Hi I am xanadu  Posted by Hello

A place where nobody dared to go
The love that we came to know
They call it Xanadu

And now, open your eyes and see
What we have made is real
We are in Xanadu

A million lights are dancing
And there you are, a shooting star
An everlasting world and you're here with me
Eternally

Xanadu--Xanadu (now we are here)
In Xanadu
Xanadu--Xanadu (now we are here)
In Xanadu

Xanadu your neon lights will shine
For you Xanadu

The love, the echoes of long ago
You needed the world to know, they are in Xanadu

The dream that came through a million years
That lived on through all the tears
It came to Xanadu

A million lights are dancing and there you are
A shooting star, an everlasting world and you're
Here with me eternally

Xanadu--Xanadu (now we are here)
In Xanadu

Now that I'm here, now that you're near in Xanadu


by Olivia Newton-John
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Gatekeepers4@ 3:27 PM   0 comments

Kids and Pools

ok just got back from the pool let me tell you I have good kids...My kids arre not brats,my kids listen, my kids do not throw a fit when Its time to go...they are not angels all the time but when it counts they are. there were these kids that were not listeneing at all their mothers were yelling and screaming I felt like saying Take them home till they can behave cuz the pool is not a place to play with...Actually they were not even watching their kids...People need to watch their kids around the pool.ok I am done ranting...But it made me feel good today to look at my kids and know they are kids but to look at them and see them enjoying themselves and listening and us having a good time.
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Gatekeepers4@ 2:52 PM   0 comments

Accidentally in love by Counting Crows

So she said what's the problem baby
What's the problem I don't know
Well maybe I'm in love (love)
Think about it every time
I think about it
Can't stop thinking 'bout it

How much longer will it take to cure this
Just to cure it cause I can't ignore it if it's love (love)
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love

Come on, come on
Turn a little faster
Come on, come on
The world will follow after
Come on, come on
Cause everybody's after love

So I said I'm a snowball running
Running down into the spring that's coming all this love
Melting under blue skies
Belting out sunlight
Shimmering love

Well baby I surrender
To the strawberry ice cream
Never ever end of all this love
Well I didn't mean to do it
But there's no escaping your love

These lines of lightning
Mean we're never alone,
Never alone, no, no

Come on, Come on
Move a little closer
Come on, Come on
I want to hear you whisper
Come on, Come on
Settle down inside my love

Come on, come on
Jump a little higher
Come on, come on
If you feel a little lighter
Come on, come on
We were once
Upon a time in love

We're accidentally in love
Accidentally in love (x7)

Accidentally

I'm In Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
I'm in Love, I'm in Love,
Accidentally (X 2)

Come on, come on
Spin a little tighter
Come on, come on
And the world's a little brighter
Come on, come on
Just get yourself inside her

Love ...I'm in love


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Gatekeepers4@ 10:53 AM   0 comments

I did it

ok well I finally fixed the comment part I am a genius...hehehehehehe just kiddin...it took me a long time to find the right html codes but I did it yeahhhhh.Ok now on to bigger and better things I m gonna try to put the power blogger logo on.
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Gatekeepers4@ 10:16 AM   0 comments


Here is a picture of a dream catcher. Maybe it will help catch our nite mares. Maybe we can make a real one!!!!!!!!!! Char Posted by Hello
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Gatekeepers4@ 9:16 AM   3 comments

nightmare info

Nightmares can also signify deeply rooted psychological problems. Individuals who have been abused as children will suppress memories at the time of the abuse only to dream of them years later.

When individuals begin dreaming of the trauma of the past, it is usually an indicator that there conscious mind is getting ready to remember it.

In cases like these individuals should try to seek counselling to help them get through the trauma

The "dream catcher" is an excellent concept that originated in North American Native culture. It is a circular structure made of flexible wood, leather, feathers and beads
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Gatekeepers4@ 8:58 AM   0 comments

MORE SLEEP PROBLEMS NIGHTMARES

Ok nite mares!!!!! What do I do about Nitemares????? They suck....I cant stand them..To top it off baby was up most of the night! She does not sleep well at all... hmmmmm I think maybe Ill just stop sleeping all together that will solve the problem.. No more sleeping = no more nightmares. I only get about three hours as it is. And in those three hours it is hell. So as of today I will not sleep....going to surf net to find out what I can about nitemare solutions...
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Gatekeepers4@ 7:56 AM   0 comments

A friend for you

Wednesday, June 02, 2004


Hurt One here is a friend to take care of you while you are in the castle ..this is Darci she can help you with what ever you need she has a pillow and a teddy bear for you...ok Stella Posted by Hello
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Gatekeepers4@ 6:30 PM   0 comments

Please Read

Ok here is the deal there are some young ones that will post that can't spell so bear with them. hey I can't spell LOL Please don't post any comments to them unless u post ur name ...Please be kind to them and no profanity. U will be able to tell who is young and who is not just by reading a post. Thanks Stella
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Gatekeepers4@ 6:21 PM   0 comments

cande for me

no on has ever givn me cande and opend it for me it wuz realy nic but it also maks me sad to.y ther was no momy ther to help us al the tim. i want a momy to help me now but that wil not hapen. they say we wil nevr hav a momy to help. she cant that is ok.now i be sad..hurt one

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Gatekeepers4@ 6:15 PM   0 comments

Therapy therapy therapy........................

Whatever.. dang..peppermint...she talks a lot.....lol..I just sit back and listen to her she talks and talks and I listen hey I have an Idea maybe I can be the therapist..then at the end she writes these questions like i m gonna answer them..please I dont have other things to do..anyway this question in particular is so not answerable. Is that even a word.I don't think so there I go makin up words again. Sittin here drinking DP not eating dinner...What to do tonight? hmmmmmm thats the question for the day? Oh I like the sleep strategies too bad we don't do any of them..Lmao.....Eric should like the one about using the bed room for just sex and sleep...Thinking about the Darkness about how tomarrow its a full Moon Yippyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. The Moon the Moon dance..gonna go find some stuff about the Moon.......Rayne(pronounced Rain)

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Gatekeepers4@ 5:08 PM   0 comments

Legend of Lamia...Lady Dark Soul

However, the legend of the Lamia inspired more than fear, for the poet John Keats took up the subject in his poem entitled simply Lamia. An excerpt from the poet's description of Lamia follows:

"She was a gordian shape of dazzling hue,
Vermilion-spotted, golden, green, and blue;
Striped like a zebra, freckled like a pard,
Eyed like a peacock, and all crimson barr'd;
And full of silver moons, that, as she breathed,
Dissolv'd, or brighter shone, or interwreathed
Their lustres with the gloomier tapestries-
So rainbow-sided, touch'd with miseries,
She seem'd, at once, some penanced lady elf,
Some demon's mistress, or the demon's self.
Upon her crest she wore a wannish fire
Sprinkled with stars, like Ariadne's tiar:
Her head was serpent, but ah, bitter-sweet!
She had a woman's mouth with all its pearls complete:
And for her eyes: what could such eyes do there
But weep, and weep, that they were born so fair

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Gatekeepers4@ 4:08 PM   0 comments

I found sleep strategies

1 Maintain a regular bed and wake time schedule including weekends.
2 Establish a regular, relaxing bedtime routine such as soaking in a hot bath or hot tub and then reading a book or listening to soothing music.
3 Create a sleep-conducive environment that is dark, quiet, comfortable and cool.
4 Sleep on a comfortable mattress and pillows.
5 Use your bedroom only for sleep and sex. It is best to take work materials,computers and televisions out of the sleeping environment.
6 Finish eating at least 2-3 hours before your regular bedtime.
7 Exercise regularly. It is best to complete your workout at least a few hours before bedtime.
8 Avoid caffeine (e.g. coffee, tea, soft drinks, chocolate) close to bedtime. It can keep you awake.
9 Avoid nicotine (e.g. cigarettes, tobacco products). Used close to bedtime, it can lead to poor sleep.
10 Avoid alcohol close to bedtime. It can lead to disrupted sleep later in the night.


Women's Unique Sleep Experiences

SLEEP IS A BASIC human need, as important for good health as diet and exercise. When we sleep, our bodies rest but our brains are active. Sleep lays the groundwork for a productive day ahead. Although most people need eight hours of sleep each night, the National Sleep Foundation (NSF) 1998 Women and Sleep Poll found that the average woman aged 30-60 sleeps only six hours and forty-one minutes during the workweek. Research has shown that a lack of enough restful sleep results in daytime sleepiness, increased accidents, problems concentrating, poor performance on the job and in school, and possibly, increased sickness and weight gain.

Getting the right amount of sleep is vital, but just as important is the quality of your sleep. Conditions unique to women, like the menstrual cycle, pregnancy and menopause, can affect how well a woman sleeps. This is because the changing levels of hormones that a woman experiences throughout the month, like estrogen and progesterone, have an impact on sleep. Understanding the effects of these hormones, environmental factors and lifestyle habits can help women enjoy a good night's sleep.


from www.sleepfoundation.org
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Gatekeepers4@ 8:22 AM   0 comments

WILL THIS BABY EVER SLEEP

IM running around like a crazy. Just like every morning getting breakfast getting socks, clothes, and changing stinky diapers. Today I am dragging I am so tired the baby deciedes she is not going to sleep for the third night in a row. I am dragging today...Just made eggs fot the kids for breakfast sent the other 2 to the bus stop and now have a few minutes the 2 older ones r playing and the baby is right here helping me type...aww isn't she so cute...so I will blame the typos on her..Today I am going to look for sleep strategies to post since even the medicine doesn't work..I wake myself up as soon as I start to fall asleep..What is that about..So off to surf the net for a few than laundry, dishes and play time with the kids maybe we will paint today...
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Gatekeepers4@ 7:45 AM   0 comments

Tuesday, June 01, 2004


ok ray lili becca kristen jenni jennifer ali candy this is for u GOOD NIGHT Posted by Hello
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Gatekeepers4@ 11:04 PM   0 comments

trying to sleep

Now that Iposted a pic my hubby will probably kill me,,,,oh well I will deal with him in the morning. Its time for bed now and I took some ambien but of course its not working because why would anything work....I can never fall asleep...I am always talking about sleep. Tomarrow my job is to find some sleep strategies to post...and staying on puter doesn't count Hailey...lol
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Gatekeepers4@ 10:49 PM   0 comments

This is crazy me....watch out


dont mess with me or u will be sorry....lmao Posted by Hello
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Gatekeepers4@ 10:29 PM   0 comments

Love what is it?

Love what ever.Who knows what love is? I dont know what it is anymore? I am forever confused . That should be my name. I think i have it all figured out then poof it changes again. I guess thats how life is? Who really knows anymore?.....Char

Dirty Little Secret
If I had the chance love
I would not hesitate
To tell you all things I never said before
Dont tell me its too late
Cause Ive relied on my illusion
to keep me warm at night
and Ive denied in my capacity to love
but I am willing to give up this fight

Been up all night drinking to drown my sorrows down
But nothing seems to help me since youve gone away
Im so tired of this town where every tongue is wagging
When every back is turned
Theyre telling secrets that should never be revealed
Theres nothing to be gained from this but disaster

Heres a good one
Did you hear about my friend
Hes embarrassed to be seen now
Cause we all know his sins

If I had the chance love
I would not hesitate
To tell you all things I never said before
Dont tell me its too late
Cause Ive relied on my illusion
to keep me warm at night
and Ive denied in my capacity to love
But I am willing to give up this fight
Oh I am willing to give up this fight
Sarah McLachlan


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Gatekeepers4@ 6:42 PM   0 comments

Off to do work..................

Time to go and do some work...i m not really looking forward to that I'd rather play on the puter all day but we d o have responsibilities,...hmm I m so sad.....y? so y do people do things they do I dont know but they do. Things r geting out of control again...These are random thoughts again just spewing out of my mouth...I have no idea who would read this but I am sure not may people are gonna understand this...I am a bit insane today...or at least feeling that way..But don't we all feel that way somedays when things feel so out of our control..When we feel like we have no control over the things we have had happened or sometimes even the things that still happen......Well for know I will leave you with on last thought...Is it better to be a shell of a person and not feel or walk around and feel pain all the time??? You can comment over in the chatterbox...Thanks
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Gatekeepers4@ 4:13 PM   0 comments

Ill stand by you.....for Lili no matter what happens..Stella J.R Becca

I'LL STAND BY YOU (Pretenders)


Oh, why you look so sad
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
'Cause I've seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

So if you're mad get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide ?
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you
When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
'Cause even if you're wrong

(Chorus)
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

And when ...
When the night fall on you, baby
You're feeling all alone
You won't be on your own

(Repeat Chorus)






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Gatekeepers4@ 4:04 PM   0 comments

Crazy making therapy

Therapy what to do do we do it or not ....that is the question for the day...It makes me crazy crazy crazy sometimes...all jumbled up...like the insides are going to explode...I am sure you are going to think i am crazy but today I want to stop forget it it is to hard the battle to fierce..I QUIT I quit I quit AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I just wanna scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!sometimes I do scream it seems so crazy
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Gatekeepers4@ 2:38 PM   0 comments

Good Morning

Good morning kids r crazy today getting ready to take them to the hospital to visit a friend who had a baby she needs a car bed caus eher baby failed the car seat test...such is life. Chloe came home in a car bed that was fun...I was a mess however she did not come home for 22 days...well more on that later..so last night I was up for most of the night WHEN IS THIS CHILD GOING TO SLEEP THROUGH THE NIGHT.....NEVER

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Gatekeepers4@ 8:54 AM   0 comments

                                                                                                                                                         

   Welcome To My Castle           

Concrete Angel

Mosaic Minds

Elisabetas Fortress

Prevent Child Abuse

Good Charlotte Rocks

mirsrecovery blog

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Music Codes Central

 

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lunar phases
 

 

 

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About Us: There are lots of us It gets very crazy in our castle ...There is never a dull moment!

Intresting Things: We like to buy Shoes and purses but hubby doesn't like it ..heheheh

Mood: changes moment to moment

Favourite Colour : Purple...I like yellow..no i like blue..no wait pink..NO wait BLACK

Perhaps the best way to prevent child sexual abuse is to have open communication with your children STOP CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE!!!